It’s been over two years since I’ve written for this blog. That’s a long time. I started this blog to be kind of a website/advertisement for myself and my music. I had the fancy bio and links to music and my ‘story’ about how I quite my day job to pursue music full time. I thought I’d post about gigs but I slowly started posting about my thoughts on life. It turns out I liked that more than posting my gig calendar.
I’d like to get back to just posting about life. So here we go-
These last few months I’ve been reading Dzogchen Ponlop’s incredible book REBEL BUDDHA. Although the book isn’t very long, I say ‘last few months’ because it’s one of those books that demands time to read, reread, and sit with the material given. Dzogchen Ponlop is a revered Tibetan Buddhist teacher. He was born in India, studied Buddhism in Tibetan (based in India) temples, and has been acknowledged as a great spiritual teacher from a young age. But he also studied at Columbia and now holds citizenship in the US and Canada, dividing his time between Seattle, Portland, and NYC.
This puts the Ponlop in an interesting position.Within American Buddhist circles, there’s a lot of talk about how Buddhism can transform itself into a viable, honest spirituality that can help lead a modern, 21st century American to become awakened. I like this type of talking. Rarely do you hear teachers of a spiritual tradition worry about how their tradition can evolve for modern people. Usually you hear the opposite: how people need to ‘evolve’ to fit into a cultural norm that may be centuries old (and a ‘norm’ no more). This works for some religions and practitioners, but in others it can become a sort of prison. Not only a prison to it’s practitioners, but a prison to the teachings that don’t have room to grow (can there be a greater sin?). But back to Buddhism. There’s been a want and need to help ‘strip’ Buddhism bare of all the cultural mannerisms that it has accrued for centuries. It seems that both Eastern teachers and Western teachers/students both agree to this. The only issue is that now we have a somewhat blurry line of what we can call ‘Cultural Buddhism’ (specifically related to certain cultures, be it ours or others) and ‘Core Buddhism’ (teachings based solely on the philosophy and spirit of Buddhism, and thus able to be easily transplanted and rerooted in new cultures).
That’s where the Ponlop comes in. He was born in the east and given a first rate education in Tibetan Buddhism & it’s canon of historical practices. And then he came to America. Although he isn’t the first Dharma teacher from the east to travel west, he seems to be one of the only ones to do it simply to live here first and teach second. He was born in India, but now he is North-American. And that’s what makes this book and his teaching so penetrating. It’s not that he just ‘gets’ Americans, it’s that he is American. Our suffering isn’t a puzzle for him to solve. Our suffering is his suffering (I know this can be said of any teacher, but you know what I mean). And although there have been a handful of truly AMAZING western Dharma teachers (Pema Chodron, Chogyam Trungpa, Thich Nhat Hanh), the Ponlop seems to be the closest to understanding this generation’s problems and psyche. His aim is to teach Core Buddhism, and I believe he does so beautifully. This makes his book incredibly insightful. (Throughout the book are allusions to lattes, blackberrys, and our consumption of youtube videos. Talk about 21st century Dharma!)
But that brings me to what I wanted to talk about today. On the second or third page of the book he drops this little nugget of wisdom and when I first read it, it shook me to my bones,
“There’s something of a rebellious streak in all of us. Usually it’s dormant, but sometimes it’s provoked into expression. If nurtured and guided with wisdom and compassion, it can be a positive force that frees us from fear and ignorance.” (emphasis mine)
That blew my mind. It was as if suddenly I realized that A) actions are expressions of something and B) therefore I am constantly expressing myself. I don’t mean in some grand way as an artist (although I’ve had delusions of that once or twice). I mean my actual life and the actions I take being viewed as an expression of what I am at that given moment. Suddenly all the stories of Zen masters washing bowls and chopping wood made sense. The advice of a mediation teacher I had to “brush your teeth while focusing on brushing your teeth” made sense and then scared the shit out of me. I don’t think I’ve ever brushed my teeth while expressing brushing my teeth. I usually brush my teeth with the expression of being tired, or worried about the meetings I have planned that day.
Now that I think of it, I’m not sure if I’ve ever truly brushed my teeth.
Then I started thinking about my ‘artistic expressions’ and what, when I’ve removed myself from the picture (as far as I could), those expressions actually expressed. I’m afraid to admit I’m unsure if I expressed anything of the sort I wanted to. (It’s hard to express being comfortable and confident while worrying about being comfortable and confident)
The thing about expression is that it is out of your hands. Expression isn’t intention. Expression is the meaning an action has embedded into it, and that meaning is an extension of your being at that moment. It expresses what’s behind it, not what you wish was behind it. That’s hard to hear. At least it was for me. You can’t escape what you are. Your actions hold meaning, and the meaning reflects yourself, not who you wish you were. These are actions bold and small, each one an expression of your true self, whether you like it or not.
I’ve heard stories of great beings like Trungpa and Gandhi where every action, every movement, and every breath was an expression of their realization and compassion. This isn’t just contained to spirituality. I remember when I studied drums with Terri Lynn Carrington, whenever she was behind the drums and playing, every note was a focused expression. And I believe that’s why her playing can be so moving. When we are in contact with anybody who does anything that consumes them, those actions are true expressions of focus and thus expressions of their being. The value of an expression isn’t how ‘grand’ it may be, but how true it is to the task at hand. There’s a Zen saying for this, “You can wash the dishes to get clean dishes, or you can wash the dishes to wash the dishes.”
The interesting thing about expression is that it’s explicit within every action we all perform, but we only seem to notice the ones that are really focused and pointed, because those are the ones that really count. For instance if someone lashes out at you in anger, that type of expression is difficult to confuse. But for most of us, during most of our waking hours, our expressions are muddled because our minds and intentions are muddled. Talking to your girlfriend on the phone while wishing you were watching TV can produce a confused expression, although the action of actually talking on the phone can’t be argued. In this sense, expression isn’t necessarily something to strive for, as opposed to something to purify and focus, like a laser. And apparently the only way to do that is to focus your heart and mind and be fully present in the action at hand. We do this naturally when in anger, or bliss. Ups and downs in our lives are focused emotions. But most of the time, we’re just sleepy, and I believe this is how most of our expressions are perceived. Imagine how much more powerful our actions could be with focused intent behind them! Even brushing your teeth can be cause for joy.
